


Blood Petals

by banana654321



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on AFF, Hanahakibyou, M/M, Memory Alteration, References to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Unrequited Love, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6984784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banana654321/pseuds/banana654321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taekwoon is moving forward, taking slow and steady steps to walk away from the person he covets. In the middle of bloodied petals and forgotten memories, what will happen to his poor heart as he take a step towards one irreparable step of the moving on process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Petal Pukes and Blood Vomits

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki Disease/ Hanahaki Byou is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up flowers. The said infection is curable but it also entails the removal of feelings together with the flowers.

The silent room was filled with six presences; Hongbin on the center was lying lifeless sprawled on the dirty floor, his breaths were shallow and immediate, while Sanghyuk on the other hand heaved as he wiped his sweat off his neck, just finishing a hard dance routine, almost tripping at Hongbin's body. Wonshik who was sitting beside the nearest electric socket, was deeply immersed in his laptop, ears covered with earphones, typing furiously, his head bobbing up and down to the beat of whatever was playing.

At the far right-corner of the room, Jaehwan clung to Hakyeon, his face just inches away from the older male while he practically begged for the tan male to kiss him. Hakyeon laughed and shied away from Jaehwan pouted all his disappointment from Hakyeon's response and decided to punish the older male with a hard bite on the shoulder. Hakyeon yelped both in surprise and pain, earning Jaehwan a hard neck chop from the tan male. Jaehwan just laughed at Hakyeon's reaction as he cuddled closer to him.

Taekwoon winced at the sight in front of him, Hakyeon and Jaehwan's closeness was beyond what consists a deep friendship. Taekwoon's sharp eyes observed the two, his eyes never really leaving the tan male.

“Taekwoon hyung,” Wonshik called him, his earphones now discarded on the floor, “Mind to check on this?” he threw a knowing look at Taekwoon and sighed. Without any words, Taekwoon walked towards Wonshik and sat down, his eyes glued on the laptop screen, completely ignoring the pitied look that Wonshik was throwing at him.

“This is good but you need to edit this part, you'll have a hard time with the flow if you keep this line.” Taekwoon pointed at the screen, his voice was as soft as usual, almost too soft to hear but Hakyeon's attention was caught as he looked at Taekwoon and Wonshik's direction, offering a small smile and an encouraging nod at them.

“Stop looking at him hyung,” Wonshik muttered under his breath, “It'll hurt you more.”

“It's not that easy.” He whispered back, his voice softer than normal.

“Do you love him?” Wonshik asked straightforwardly. Taekwoon only shook his head no but his lips were reduced in a thin line, as if suppressing a nod. They were a team and he can't have anything ruining that for them; and falling in love would mean just the same as destroying a strong friendship.

“Hyung.” Wonshik said, sensitive to Taekwoon's feelings.

“Not now, Wonshik. Finish your composition, I'll go and check it after practice, okay?” Taekwoon dismissed the younger male as he walked back to his place on the couch. Wonshik was left alone as he looked at Hakyeon and Jaehwan, feeling the same as Taekwoon, only this time, it was for Taekwoon's pain and not for his own.

“We'll practice again after 5 minutes, so go re-hydrate and do whatever because this will be the last practice for tonight.” Hakyeon announced, not leaving the seat he was propped into with Jaehwan lazily resting on Haekyon's shoulders.

A chorus of yeses echoed inside the practice room but it felt like the room closed in on Taekwoon as he watched Hakyeon play along Jaehwan's whims before he murmured something, making the plump lips of Jaehwan stretch in a sly smile. Taekwoon watched closely but his view started to go blurry, and then his hand was clutching his chest as he heaved, unable to breath normally. Sanghyuk noticed it first and rushed to Taekwoon'a side, “Hyung, are you okay?” He asked, clearly alarmed.

Taekwoon wanted to say yes despite the pain that he was feeling but he was unable to speak. His eyes started to water as the unbearable pain hit him again, deep in his chest, constricting and preventing him from breathing properly. His world was stuck with his vision almost black, a strong desire to just pass out but Taekwoon can still hear far-off voices. Despite everything, Hakyeon's voice remains the loudest and the clearest. He was yelling at Taekwoon to get himself together, his voice was laced with panic as he tried to give directions to the members of the group.

Taekwoon wheezed and sooner, he was vomiting. Hakyeon stood beside him, stroking his back, trying to relieve Taekwoon's pain even if it's just a little. Wonshik on the other hand, rushed to their managers and informed them what just happened. While Sanghyuk stood there, watching and trembling and on the verge of tears as he saw bloodied petals emerging from the older male's mouth.

Taekwoon's lips were tinted red as blood and petals continued to emerge, he was slowly able to breathe in some air but the petals were coming like there were no end. Floating in the air, majestically floating slowly towards the floor. Jaehwan looked confused and scared, unable to do anything, he watched as Hongbin ran towards the washroom, unable to watch Taekwoon.

After a few minutes, Taekwoon finally relaxed, Wonshik, Hongbin, and their managers still out of sight. The puking has stopped and Taekwoon was left drained and exhausted.

“What the fuck just happened?” Jaehwan muttered as he stared at the mess that was left of Taekwoon's sudden attack, if he can call it that.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk slowly inched towards Taekwoon, his eyes wet from tears. “Are you okay? You're not dying, are you?” Taekwoon offered a pained smile to their maknae and shook his head, “No, I'm not dying.” he managed to let out before he coughed.

“Don't even try to act tough. Shut up!” Hakyeon reprimanded Taekwoon as he wiped the younger male's lips clean. Taekwoon winced in the process but he remained mum knowing Hakyeon was already at the end of his wits.

“Hyung, what happened to Taekwoon hyung?” Sanghyuk repeated Jaehwan's unanswered question, his hands clasped together as he tried to stop it from further trembling.

“It's nothing.” Wonshik answered from behind, “Don't worry about it, it's nothing serious,” He shrugged it off as he walked back towards Taekwoon's side. “It'll fade, it's just a bad case of unrequited love.”

“You're in love?” Hakyeon asked, his voice sharp.

“It's nothing, hyung. It's not bad. I'll take care of Taekwoon hyung. I've already talked to the managers and they agreed.” Wonshik informed Hakyeon as he pulled Taekwoon into standing position, his legs barely supporting his weight as he leaned on to Wonshik for support.

“Wonshik, we need to talk about this,” Hakyeon intercepted before Taekwoon and Wonshik can take a single step. “This isn't good.” Hakyeon said firmly.

“Hyung, it's just a bad case of Hanahaki, it will pass once he's over the person he loves. I'm sure of it, I had it before and it wasn't that bad.” Wonshik lied, trying to pass from the prying eyes of Hakyeon and Jaehwan.

“Besides, is that even important right now? Taekwoon hyung is hurting and he needs to rest his throat after what he just went through.” Wonshik added as he saw Hakyeon wavered for a bit.

“Hakyeon,” Jaehwan called the attention of the tan male, “Wonshik is right, we need to let Taekwoon rest. His throat would be really hurting right now after what just happened.” Jaehwan tried to reason with Hakyeon.

No ' _hyung_ ',Taekwoon noted, his eyes were closed but his throat started to constrict again, he felt a new wave of bloodied petals coming if he doesn't get out of this room soon.

Luckily, after Jaehwan's little speech, Hakyeon finally let go of the issue, he sighed in defeat, nodded, and patted Wonshik's arms before he finally spoke, “Take care of him then.”

Without thinking twice Wonshik lead them out, taking small steps as Taekwoon's body is still weak from the earlier events, Taekwoon took the chance to thank Wonshik for what he did but the younger shrugged it alf off like it was no big deal but Taekwoon knew better.

“Wonshik, thank you, really. I wouldn't know what to do without you there.” Taekwoon whispered to Wonshik, as they walked slowly side by side with Taekwoon still heavily supported by Wonshik.

“I told you not to look.” Wonshik reprimanded. The footsteps were heavy with resentment and frustration, the travel back to the dorm was threaded in complete silence, the only sounds were Taekwoon's labored breaths, and Wonshik's easy ones.

“You'll need to get an operation for that.” Wonshik said as he helped Taekwoon to his bed.

“I'll endure it. It doesn't have to go. I can manage it.” Taekwoon said, barely audible.

“You'll strain your throat, your singing will possibly be affected hyung. Listen to me just once, it's not so bad after all. I got over you, see?” Wonshik pleaded, trying to reason with the stubborn older male.

“This isn't about you Wonshik. Hakyeon is...” Taekwoon trailed off. Hakyeon is his life long friend and loving him silently would do, even if it means enduring the pain of unrequited love and vomiting petals forever.

“Hakyeon hyung is what then, hyung? Remind me.” Wonshik pushed Taekwoon only to be answered by silence. Taekwoon's best defense was his silence anyways.

“You can't even say it. He'll never love you back.” Wonshik spat. Taekwoon's sharp eyes directed at Wonshik before he turned his back on the younger male. “I'm tired Wonshik,” He dismissed the younger. “You get some sleep too.”


	2. Ray of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a way out of this mess.

Days passed with Taekwoon barely surviving, the attacks were still happening but he was able to control it better now. He was able to lie through his teeth, reaffirming everyone with a smile on his lips and a simple _' I'm okay now,'_. But the truth is he avoided showing it to anyone, he endured the pain and the consequence of his stubbornness alone.

It wasn't just the attacks that increased, along with the whole I'm okay facade that Taekwoon has managed to put up, his eyes would constantly focus on the reason for his pain. He noted how Hakyeon and Jaehwan had grown closer each passing day. He watched as Jaehwan's eyes would only see Hakyeon, how his touches would linger a bit longer, and how he'd cling to Hakyeon like it was second nature.

Every time they asked him how he was, he could only nod in response, armed with the biggest smile he could muster. If anyone would look at, it would raise a red flag, knowing how Taekwoon's smiles were as rare as four leaf clovers. Normally, people would be met by the crown of Taekwoon's head, avoiding eye contact as much as possible but it was a quite the opposite as he made sure to catch every possible glimpse of Hakyeon and Jaehwan together, to meet everyone's eyes and offer a kind smile, overcompensating and clearly faking.

It was like nothing happened, like he never vomited flowers, nor did he cry himself to sleep every time he had to endure Hakyeon and Jaehwan's sight together. The Taekwoon now was like an improved version of him, as his interactions with people increased, his words weren't as counted as before.

And because of these changes that met them, they never really brought up what happened to Taekwoon that one night, they've dismissed it and relied on the fact that Wonshik was a survivor of the same disease. They have naively believed that Taekwoon was in fact okay, no matter what happened. No one really pried about who and how Taekwoon fell in love because it didn't matter.

But contrary to everyone's belief, Taekwoon was tired. His decision to keep his feelings for Hakyeon intact has sent him down the road of depression. Despite the facade that Taekwoon has himself surrounded, his mental state cannot cope.

It started with his mere avoidance and his insistence to be left alone. Gradually, Taekwoon refused to meet anyone at all. Every one of his members noticed how little by little, Taekwoon started to withdraw from them. The Taekwoon that they saw the past few days was spiraling back to the real Taekwoon, the Taekwoon that they knew, only worse.

As Taekwoon started sleeping longer, everyone saw how he slowly hesitated to move as if unmotivated by the mere idea of existing. He began to shy away from responsibilities, losing the spark and the inspiration to compose and produce music.

It was then that they knew that Taekwoon wasn't really okay, music was Taekwoon's escape but he abandoned it, they saw him push himself only to plop back down the bed after 15 minutes of aimlessly staring at his computer, unable to start or finish anything he had left from before. 

Everyone watched as the usual Taekwoon who stuffed his mouth with food refused snacks and soon enough, refused meals in general. Each of them watched as he'd sigh deeply and stare into nothingness as if expecting it to swallow him alive. They watched as he drifted on a world of his own, inattentive and unfocused to what was happening around him. Everyone just watched silently as Taekwoon destroyed himself each passing day.

It was particular horrid for Wonshik to watch Taekwoon consumed by emotions that he wasn't in control of. His stares would linger longer than anyone else and his patience was at the end of its line.

Taekwoon felt how Wonshik eyed him secretly, his stare weighing heavily on the back of Taekwoon's head. “Spit it out,” He murmured. “It's quite tiring having you look at me like that everyday, Wonshik.”

“If you don't want to get the operation, then maybe I can help.” Wonshik offered, his voice was low and unsure but he was sincere. He wanted to make Taekwoon better.

“What?” The word left Taekwoon in surprise.

“I found something new on the internet yesterday.” Wonshik said, he looked at Taekwoon, wary of the older male's reaction but when he found none, he continued. “They have developed a way to erase memories.” He offered. “Maybe, just maybe...” He trailed, seeing Taekwoon's frown; Wonshik cannot decipher whether it was anger for bringing it up, or confusion on the idea he presented.

Taekwoon remained mum, his head reeling from the idea. _Memories erased._

“They'd erase memories so that you'll forget. Maybe, if you had that procedure, you won't suffer anymore.” Wonshik continued, threading dangerous waters.

“How?” Taekwoon asked, shocking Wonshik. “Would I forget everything?” Taekwoon asked.

Wonshik shook his head no, “Just the memories you want erased hyung. Memories of you and Hakyeon hyung shared, it'll be easy. It won't even last long.”

“I'll think about it.” Taekwoon uttered under his breath before leaving the room.

Wonshik's words left Taekwoon restless and thinking, weighing the pros and cons of the idea that Wonshik presented to him. The idea, even if Taekwoon knew it'd have really complicated consequences, still played in his mind, all day and all night. The idea of forgetting Hakyeon could help him to get over the his feelings. He knew that feelings are heavily reliant with shared memories, so that means, this could be his chance to forget and move forward. It was not a bad bargain at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter for future fic updates @bononers654321


	3. Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions were made out of extreme emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at everything, forgive me.

It was impossible for Taekwoon to get a blink of sleep with his mind reeling from Wonshik's suggestions, so when Taekwoon arrived at their studio the next day, he looked rather somber. His eyes were lifeless and the bags under his eyes were as prominent as a panda's would look like. His chin remained unshaven, matched by his disheveled hair that somehow covered a part of his beautiful face.

“You look like hell.” Hakyeon greeted, yawning and stretching, watching Taekwoon enter the practice room through the mirrors.

“Sleep was scarce last night,” Taekwoon mumbled as he propped himself on the couch. “You're early today, hyung.” He noted and yawned, infected with Hakyeon's earlier yawn.

“Ah, I haven't really slept. I was trying to choreograph the new song.” He smiled and sat down the floor to stretch some more. He reached for his left toes and remained bent under the count of 8 before he inhaled deeply and mirrored the stretch on the other side. “You need to stretch too Taekwoonie.” Hakyeon reminded the younger male only to be answered by soft snores.

Hakyeon cannot help himself from silently laughing to himself as he stood up and propped himself beside the couch where Taekwoon was enveloped by sleep. He brushed the stray hair from the younger's face, gently stroking Taekwoon's cheeks, pressing a finger on the middle of his eyebrows removing the crease that formed in his forehead when Hakyeon touched the pale and tired face of Taekwoon.

A ghost of a smile made it's way into Taekwoon's parted lips, as if the sleeping prince was reacting to Hakyeon's touch. The tan male can only sigh at the sight of Taekwoon's peaceful figure. Memories flooded before Hakyeon's eyes reminding him of how Taekwoon would secretly care for him. From wiping the sweat off his neck, checking his temperature whenever Hakyeon felt a little too tired, tugging him towards the right direction when he gets carried away. Small actions that made makes Hakyeon smile and hope for something more.

He could only laugh at how these minimal interactions initiated by Taekwoon made his heart flutter like a kid on Christmas morning about to open his gifts. He reached a little to trace Taekwoon's face, he was never really this close to the younger male so he took this chance, savoring the warmth of Taekwoon's skin. His breath hitched as Taekwoon stirred in his sleep, snapping his hand away from Taekwoon's face, but the younger remained asleep, merely moving an inch to find a more comfortable position. Hakyeon missed the warmth under his fingers but he didn't move another finger to touch Taekwoon, instead, he rested his head on the empty space near Taekwoon's face and ogled him, memorizing the face of the beautiful boy.

Hakyeon realized how the little things that Taekwoon did for him were the most valuable of all the things that he experienced and will experience. As Taekwoon was by far, the most sensitive when it comes to his needs. Despite the image of love and hate that Taekwoon and Hakyeon has in front of the fans, Taekwoon was Hakyeon's foundation. He persists in Taekwoon's hesitant touches, rare smiles, and harmonious laughter.

It amazed Hakyeon how he was so unknowingly dependent on Taekwoon. His tiredness dissipated with the sight of Taekwoon, his energy pumped whenever he hears Taekwoon's timid laughs, his creativity sparked to compete against Taekwoon's ability to express through words and rhythms.

Hakyeon relied and still relies on Taekwoon too much that it pained him when he heard Wonshik reaffirm what Hakyeon feared the most, it echoed all too clear how Wonshik said unrequited love. The scene kept on replaying in Hakyeon's mind, Taekwoon heaving and vomiting, it wasn't the usual vomit of exhaustion, and then Hakyeon's eyes narrowed in on the petals soaked in Taekwoon's blood. _Hanahaki._ Hakyeon wanted to cry and embrace Taekwoon. He wanted Taekwoon to be happy and to find love but at the same time was happy that his love would never be possible.

He smiled to himself and covered Taekwoon with a blanket before he went back to his own world, a world far from the one who makes it spin.The sound of the song he was choreographing was set on a minimal, just enough for Hakyeon to hear, so as not to wake the deep slumber of Taekwoon who had moved into a more comfortable position on the couch.

It was a solid hour or two before Hakyeon stopped. And not so long after Hakyeon had retired from trying to choreograph and slumping back on the floor to relax his tired body, did he hear the loud laughter and hollers from outside. 

“You're awake?” Hakyeon asked, as he opened the door, slightly disappointed that his time with Taekwoon alone was over. Taekwoon only managed to hum in response.

“They're here, so we're starting soon,” Hakyeon informed him as one by one, the members filed inside and got busy with their own businesses. With Jaehwan clinging instantly to Hakyeon as soon as he got there and Wonshik playing around with Sanghyuk while Hongbin proceeded to stretch all on his own. Taekwoon never really moved from his seat, he watched everyone and it made everything clear for him.

He was sure of it this time around, he may not be able to erase Hakyeon from his heart but he was willing to risk forgetting things for his own sanity. This was Taekwoon's last straw, seeing how natural Jaehwan fits into Hakyeon's side, it was time to try and help himself, this time around.

 _It was for the best_ , he tried convincing himself. A ghost of a smile grazing his lips. _I might be okay after_ , his words echoed in his mind like a promise of a better tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @bononers654321.  
> Of course, criticisms and comments are always appreciated.


	4. Forgetting Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon finally pulled through and forgot.

The days before each comeback were always the longest, with practice going from a span of five to seven hours straight, to recording and cleaning up the songs, to producing back up tracks just in case something goes wrong. Sure, they do get to sleep more than when they promote, but the cycle was exhausting. It felt like the whole series of events was endless.

Add to that the numerous photo shoots and filming that they had to finish for their teasers and music videos that pretty much equates to days on end of being under the spotlight. The whole preparation was draining their already tired bodies and it wasn't long before someone collapses entirely.

It was, unfortunately Taekwoon's turn this time. In the midst of their latest dance practice, he felt his knees go weak and suddenly he was on the floor. In an instance, everyone was around him, yet again. He hated the attention, more so, everyone breathing on his neck like he's dying.

“Are you okay?” Hakyeon's worried voice stood out from the rest, Taekwoon nodded.

“Hyung, you're so pale, don't even lie.” Wonshik said as he helped Taekwoon up.

“I'm just a little dizzy, that's all.” Taekwoon explained to Wonshik.

“Should we take you to the hospital?” Hakyeon stepped in, supporting the other side of Taekwoon.

The younger didn't bother to contradict and argue with their leader, it was, after all, a perfect chance for Taekwoon to make his plan happen. So he nodded weakly in answer, “Wonshik can take me.” His reply came on soft as he retracted his arm from Hakyeon's grasp. “Won't you?” Taekwoon turned to the rapper and smiled.

“Sure hyung, if manager hyung is okay with it, I'll do it,” Wonshik looked at their manager who gave him a firm nod before Wonshik went ahead and walked Taekwoon towards the door.

“No, wait. I'll take him.” Hakyeon offered.

“It's fine. Wonshik can handle it.” Taekwoon said rather dismissively, setting Hakyeon aback with his words. “Oh,” was Hakyeon only reaction before he settled into the safest reply he could think of, “If you must then.”

Once they were out of the door and out of earshot, Taekwoon didn't waste any more time. It has been almost two months since he decided to get his memories erased so if he's going to do it, he needs to do it fast. Before anything or anyone can convince him otherwise.

“Wonshik, I need you to do me a favor.” Taekwoon said weakly, Wonshik was all ears to him so he continued. “I'm going to have my memories erased, so help me.”

With those words, Wonshik stood alert, “Are you sure about this?” He asked the older. Taekwoon nodded, “It's for the best,” he reasoned out.

“Okay,” Wonshik breathed, “But only after you get an IV drip. You don't look so good.”

Taekwoon knew better than to question the younger, it is after all with Wonshik's help that Taekwoon would finally be able to get better or so he hopes.

The hospital wasn't far from their studio so getting there wasn't really a bother, it was the wait that ticked Taekwoon off. The IV drip took an hour or two to finish and due to the impatience that bubbled up in Taekwoon's mind, it felt longer that it took.

“Are we done now?” He impatiently asked the nurse who was in charge of his treatment. “I'm okay now.” He said, feeling the need to reassure the medical expert as to avoid further questioning.

“Just a few more minutes sir, the IV bag's empty but the drip isn't yet.” The nurse pointed at the tube attached to the IV bag, and true enough it was still going.

“Hyung, it won't go anywhere. Don't rush. Besides, I'm sure the others are worried about you, the least I could do is to make sure you're alright.” Wonshik tutted the older.

“I'm okay, physically. But I feel like I'm about to go crazy. A huge part of me wanted to just get over it but a small part of me wants me to stop.” Taekwoon huffed, running his hand through his hair.

The younger laughed, “That's exactly how I felt when I decided to get my operation before.”

“I'm sorry.” Taekwoon whispered guiltily.

“It's not your fault hyung. It wasn't as if you made me hope for anything more than friendship. So...” Wonshik trailed off, “I'm okay.”

“And now I'm asking you for help. I feel like my shame has already ran out.” Taekwoon laughed in frustration.

“It'll be fine hyung, soon enough.” Wonshik patted Taekwoon's shoulder.

“Hopefully.” Taekwoon said, barely a whisper, his face pressed on his palms, as if hiding from reality.

“Try not to over exert yourself, okay?” The nurse reminded as she carefully pulled out the needle from Taekwoon.

“Thank you.” Wonshik said in behalf of Taekwoon, who still looked like he was out of it. Wonshik bowed twice before escorting Taekwoon out of the hospital and in to the memory clinic.

.....

An hour ride out of the city, Taekwoon found himself standing in front of the clinic with clammy hands and an unnerving feeling at the bottom of his stomach.

“This is it hyung,” Wonshik announced as he guided Taekwoon inside. “I hope you're ready.” Wonshik breathed out, his voice muffled by the chimes that moved along with the door's opening.

“I am,” Taekwoon managed to say before he plopped down on the sofa at the far corner of the room.

“We'll be there shortly,” Someone announced from the back of the curtain. Wonshik looked nervously at Taekwoon but the older's expression looked serene. It was then that the younger realized that despite his Taekwoon's inhibitions, he was going to see this through.

“I'm sorry to have kept you waiting,” a girl emerged from the closed curtain, “Who's the patient?” She asked, looking at both Wonshik and Taekwoon.

“He is,” Wonshik pointed at the older. 

“Oh,” the receptionist smile. “Okay then, follow me inside.” She motioned to the two of them

The rooms weren't painted white, for a change, it looked rather lively, with a mixture of sunshine yellow and some mint green, complimenting each other. “Sit here,” she instructed the two as she pulled a projector head down, there it flashed a picture of the brain neatly categorized, alongside it, a diagram of the procedure.

“It's basic and really easy to understand. There's no complications at all but you'd have to know that the procedure itself is brain damage.” She looked at the two potential customers, awaiting their reaction. When she got none, she turned her head back to the diagram and pointed at a part of the brain, “We're going to map the areas of the brain and trace each memory that you want erased, we'll be damaging those areas so as erase it.” She finished.

“That's it?” Wonshik asked, astounded.

“The brain is a complicated and sensitive organ, that's why were doing this via electronic mapping and erasure. We don't want to cut open a person's brain, it won't help at all because the brain doesn't provide the necessary information unless fed with the data. We'd put the patient in a chemically induced sleep and then when he's asleep that's when the magic happens.” She said with confidence.

“So...” She trailed off, looking at them expectantly.

“I need memories erased, not all of them, just parts. I don't want to completely forget that person, just parts of him.” Taekwoon declared, “Is that possible?” he asked.

“Yes, it is. But the whole procedure would and could fail. Memories are connected with each other. It won't help if we don't erase everything.” She informed him.

“It's fine. I'll risk it.” Taekwoon said.

“Are you sure hyung?” Wonshik looked worried.

“I'm not having an operation to remove this,” Taekwoon pointed at his heart. “I'll take any way possible just to keep it.”

Wonshik nodded. “Then,” the receptionist clapped her hands together, “should we proceed?” She looked at the two of them.

“It's his call.” Wonshik crest-fallen, pointed at the older.

“I'm going to do it.” Taekwoon said with finality.

“I'll need to see the picture of the person we need to erase, and I'd need you to sign a waiver for us.” She said, walking back towards the clinic's lobby.

Taekwoon nodded, “Ah, and we'll need someone to direct us with the memory erasure, since you're not going to get a whole period erased, then we'll need someone to help us.” The receptionist informed them.

“I'll do it.” Wonshik declared without being asked. “I'll do it hyung.” He said, this time facing Taekwoon.

“I don't have any other choice Wonshik, if you won't do it, I'll have no one.” Taekwoon laughed. “Thank you.”

The night just started, Wonshik watched as various paraphernalia were prepared on Taekwoon's bedside while a nurse dressed in white administered the sedative. Within minutes after being injected with the clear liquid, Taekwoon was out and the people inside the room quickly attached sensors on his temples.

“This may take a while, the mapping is a complicated process so you can sleep while waiting. It normally takes three to five hours.” The technician beside him informed Wonshik, who just nodded in response.

Wonshik was about to settle in and try to get some rest when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out from his coat's pocket and answered immediately without looking at the caller id. Wonshik knew all too well that they've been gone for a few hours and it must be their manager calling, furious and worried about them.

“Hyung,” Wonshik answered.

“Where the hell are you? Aren't you supposed to be back by now?” Hakyeon's voice echoed from the other side of the line.

“Hakyeon hyung,” Wonshik choked.

“What hospital did you take Taekwoon to? Busan?” Hakyeon said, his voice louder than usual. Wonshik can tell he was mad.

“Hyung, I'm sorry. Look...” Wonshik trailed off.

“Wonshik, this isn't even about not being able to practice! Everyone's worried sick about Taekwoon.” Hakyeon said, worry evident in his voice.

“He's fine hyung. He's sleeping right now. We're not far from the dorm but the doctor said that they'd like to observe him overnight. Just in case...” Wonshik explained.

“Where are you guys? I'm coming.” Hakyeon declared.

“Hakyeon hyung, let's be reasonable here. We know that you're tired as well. You need rest just like the rest of us. Besides, Taekwoon hyung won't be able to talk to you anytime soon, the doctor gave him sedatives so he'd probably wake up tomorrow morning.” Wonshik explained.

“Wonshik...” Hakyeon breathed out in frustration.

“Hyung, we're okay. I'll keep an eye on Taekwoon hyung. Get some rest, please.” The younger pleaded.

“I understand,” Hakyeon said, defeated. “I'll see you guys tomorrow. Don't strain yourself, get some rest too.” Hakyeon reminded his younger member before finally ending the call.

Wonshik sighed, he felt guilty for lying to Hakyeon but it wasn't as if he wanted to, it's just that he needed to. Wonshik surrendered to the nagging feeling if guilt; falling asleep with a heavy heart and a heavier burden.

Long after Wonshik had fallen deep into sleep, he felt someone nudge him. Stirring and sleepily rubbing his eyes, he heard, “Hey, we're ready.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. Just let me shake the sleep off.” Wonshik said as he stood up and stretched. “I'm ready.” He announced after sometime.

“Okay,” the technician said, pointing at a small television screen, “you'll see here a picture or a scenario, it may be static or not, we're not sure yet but once you see something that needs to be erased, you'd have to tell us, okay?” The technician instructed him.

“On the other side,” the nurse said this time, “you'll see the brain map. The redder the shade of the memory, then the more impact it has on his overall memory. So this will help you decide if you'll erase the memory or not, since the whole television thing is quite hazy, look.” She pointed out.

The screen displayed a very obscure display, it was Hakyeon and Taekwoon's first meeting. The memory in itself was a weak one, back then Taekwoon was withdrawn from anyone, in the fear of someone leaving. Their futures during that time wasn't set yet, and there was this possibility of going into separate ways. Taekwoon gets to keep this, Wonshik decided. He gets to remember the fear of being abandoned and left behind.

Memory after memory flashed by the screen, Wonshik choosing everything carefully. He tried not to alter major events but sometimes he'd have to resort to having Taekwoon have some kind of blackout, he needed to protect the older for himself.

It was almost six when they reached the part where Taekwoon vomited petals for the first time and Wonshik had to rewatch it happen, he asked the technician to remove that. Along with the other incidents of petal vomits, he also asked the technician to remove the moments when Taekwoon's gaze lingered, watching Hakyeon and Jaehwan flirt. And lastly, as per routine, they removed Taekwoon's memory of the whole procedure.

“We're done here.” The nurse announced. “It may be burdensome but we'd advise you to take him now before he wakes up. We usually do this procedure at home where we can just leave the patient after, however there are special cases like this. It was a good thing he has someone with him.” The nurse explained. “His memories can comeback if he sees the clinic when he wakes up. It's a matter of tracing it all back, so we'd ask you to leave now.” The nurse respectfully said, bowing her head in apology and in goodbye.

“I'll help you get a cab and carry him.” The technician offered.

“Thank you,” Wonshik said.

.....

“Wonshik,” Taekwoon mumbled weakly.

“Oh, hyung, you're awake.” Wonshik greeted the older with a warm smile.

“Where are we?” Taekwoon asked, his voice hoarse.

Wonshik laughed, “I think you're still out of it. The hospital administered a sleeping drug last night so we had to spend the night in a room there. When you wake up earlier, you said we should head back to the dorm since you're okay now.” Wonshik explained.

Taekwoon looked confused, he looked around and he realized that they were inside the taxi, the places they passed by were already familiar to Taekwoon so he knew that they weren't far from home.

“Thanks for taking care of me.” Taekwoon said.

“Hyung, it's fine.” Wonshik shrugged nonchalantly, offering Taekwoon a knowing smile with which Taekwoon reciprocated.


	5. Smiles and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets mangled into Taekwoon's mess.

“We're back,” Wonshik announced as soon as the door of their dorms closed behind them. Wonshik concealed behind him, untying his shoes.

“Is he okay?” Hakyeon greeted them in a hurry, the bags under his eyes were darker than usual.

“You didn't sleep,” Wonshik said a matter of factly, instead questioningly as the evidence was too apparent to even ask.

“It's not that I don't want to, I couldn't,” Hakyeon explained, “What did the doctor say?” he asked Wonshik.

“I'm fine hyung, no need to get all worked up.” Taekwoon answered in behalf on Wonshik, his face bright, a rather beaming smile to go along with it.

 _Hyung,_ Hakyeon noted. Taekwoon called him hyung. “Are you sure? You're not dizzy or anything?” He asked Taekwoon directly this time.

“Nope, I feel good as new. Better than yesterday, thanks to the meds the hospital gave me, I was able to sleep peacefully last night.” Taekwoon smiled before pushing Wonshik inside, “What are you doing standing there?” Taekwoon's laugh echoed on the empty dorm.

“Where are the others?” Taekwoon eyes Hakyeon curiously.

“Sleeping, hyung. It's 8 in the morning, you don't expect them to wake up this early.” Wonshik rolled his eyes at Taekwoon before shrugging his coat off.

Taekwoon laughed, “Isn't that right?” he looked at Hakyeon with an amused smile before heading on to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water.

It was odd, Hakyeon noted. But it was a welcomed change, he was happier to see Taekwoon laughing rather than sulking.

**…..**

Taekwoon was back to his normal self, more or less. Playing around with the other kids like he used to, spending his time on the studio, auditioning for musicals, and even writing new songs with Wonshik every now and then. It was almost a month now that Hakyeon observed how Taekwoon reverted back to his usual self, but Hakyeon couldn't shake off the feeling of dismay.

He noted how Taekwoon somehow changed when it comes to him, regressing back to the Taekwoon he knew from years back. Hakyeon wasn't Taekwoon's life long friend, he was but an older brother, a leader, a co-worker and nothing more. It was as if Taekwoon has grown distant with him.

It scared Hakyeon because the distance was too much for him. He wanted to rebuilt the bridge and to reach out to Taekwoon but seeing the happy smile on the younger's face stopped him from doing so. Hakyeon was, in turn, a mess, unnoticeable as it maybe with the mask he has on, his insides were wrecking havoc trying to make sense of the situation, his heart restless and his mind in chaos.

“Taekwoon,” he called out to the younger.

The younger looked up, his eyes expectant and happy, “Yes hyung?”

Hakyeon wanted to pull him somewhere in private, erase that innocent smile off of his face and confront him. _Hyung?_ He's not Taekwoon's hyung, he was his life long friend. A conflicted smile spread through Hakyeon's face, “Nothing. I had it all sorted out,” he said in excuse. He can't do it, not when Taekwoon is this happy.

**…..**

A few weeks in with their promotions, their schedules packed with variety show appearances and live broadcasts, everyone was hyped and excited. It was then that fan meets were organized, having them travel from various places. It was exhausting but the satisfaction of interacting and seeing their fans were worth all the stress and the hard work.

In all honestly, Taekwoon loved it, fan meets are easier than broadcasts, despite the excessive number of cameras the fans have, he was freer than when he's surrounded by scripts, producers, and directors. However, what Taekwoon feared the most, however, was the incessant demand of the fans to see his aegyo. It shocked him how, after all these years together, they haven't grown tired of it at all.

Luckily for him, the occasional fan service could be relieve by his shy smile, and the crown of his head when he tries to hide the aversion that managed to creep up into his face in the form of a blush. It baffles him how people could act cute in front of someone, more so in front of a huge crowd like this.

Taekwoon was thankful for his other members, more so Jaehwan, for it had been him who constantly saved his ass from being handed to him in a silver platter. It was fortunate that the younger came to his rescue, signature cute sounds escaped the Jaehwan's plump lips matching the winks and occasional booty shakes that he does.

“You did well, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon patted the younger's head and continued to watch Jaehwan's silly antics.

Taekwoon's heart fluttered at the compliment. He looked at Hakyeon and smiled at him, but the older's attention was focused on Jaehwan. Taekwoon wasn't sure why his heart felt heavy with the sight. Then he heard the fans chant for Hakyeon to join Jaehwan and without second thought, Hakyeon surrendered with a bright smile.

It was cute how they managed to make all the girls squeal and laugh, Taekwoon was amazed but when the two hugged it out after finishing their act, Taekwoon felt himself gag. Not out of disgust but as if it's something instinctive, like something was trying to come up from his throat. He dismissed the thought and tried to push it down as much as he could, seeing the fan meet through and not causing unnecessary worry.

But by the time the fan meet ended, Taekwoon felt sick to his core. He wasted no time, thinking it was just a bad stomach, he immediately locked himself into the wash room, where he vomited. Much to his confusion, not with barf but with flowers fully bloomed, covered in blood and clear as blue.

Taekwoon was scared shitless when he saw the flowers floating around, beautiful as they may be, it's something Taekwoon feared for he saw what it did to Wonshik. The only possible solution is to talk to the younger, he wanted to be at ease, to be reassured that it can happen even if you're not in love.

Safe to say, Wonshik reassured him that it wasn't anything big. Taekwoon felt like Wonshik wasn't completely honest but he decided to take the younger's word for it. He had no choice anyways.

  **…..**

Past the incident and into their schedules, Taekwoon found himself vomiting a few more times but having taken Wonshik's words of reassurance, Taekwoon decided to shrug it off. He went ahead like usual, his smiles steady and bright, his demeanor shy but welcoming.

With a magazine photo shoot and interview occupying their days on end, Taekwoon found himself inadequate of remembering past moments. The trip on Jeju where he was supposedly betrothed to Hakyeon as “Pinkeu pinkeu Mimi,” or the first time they appeared live where he was shell shocked to his core and Hakyeon guided him through all of it, or when they first stepped on a foreign land, with Taekwoon unsure of how to deal with everyone and Hakyeon coming to his rescue.

“So, your life long friend,” the interviewer looked at Taekwoon, “how helpful is it to have a same aged friend in the group?”

Taekwoon looked confused and lost, yet again. “Hakyeon is...” he trailed off, “Hakyeon isn't...” an awkward laugh filled the air, “I won't say a life long friend but he's a good hyung, supportive and cheerful. He's like an energy vitamin for the group,” Taekwoon said in response.

Hakyeon had his lips in a straight line, hearing Taekwoon's answer made his ears hot with anger. It wasn't him who branded them as life long friends, it was Taekwoon. So how dare he forget! How dare he say he's not a life long friend! Hakyeon scoffed at the thought of looking like a clingy fool. He was fuming but he managed to keep it in. Like how he used to on their past interviews where Taekwoon looked lost whenever a moment that he and Hakyeon shared was brought up, like he didn't remember. But unfortunately for Taekwoon, this was Hakyeon's last straw.

When the interview finished, with their worn out bodies and tired souls, Taekwoon decided he'd unwind a bit and compose for fun. He wanted to think about the words that the interviewer uttered and how he finds himself constantly confused and lost when it comes to the things of his past. With his foot on the table, his fingers aimlessly gliding through the piano keys, Taekwoon heard the door of his studio slammed shut.

When he turned and looked around, he saw Hakyeon, his face red and his frown deep.

“Hyung,” Taekwoon looked shocked, “I thought you're at the dorm.”

“What is wrong with you?” Hakyeon's words lace with malice and anger. “You!” He shouted at Taekwoon, pointing at the younger accusingly. “You're the one who called me your life long friend, not me. How dare you forget and deny it!?”

“I...” Taekwoon felt guilty for putting Hakyeon into this situation. “I sincerely am lost, hyung. I don't remember a lot of things,” He said in defeat.

“Don't call me hyung! I was Hakyeon to you! I was never your hyung.” He said his voice softer this time, Taekwoon can hear Hakyeon sniffle.

“I'm sorry.” he murmured softly, reaching out to the crying elder in front of him. Hakyeon's legs were weak under Taekwoon's touch, he felt it give way and hit the floor softly, with Taekwoon carrying his weight. Sobs escaped Hakyeon's lips, he wanted to just confront Taekwoon and not to break down in front of the younger.

It was, at the same time, Taekwoon felt a weird electric current jolt through his hands, the contact with Hakyeon's gloriously tanned skin made the younger's hand jump out of surprise. Every single part of Taekwoon felt funny, he felt like Hakyeon was too close for comfort but Taekwoon couldn't push the older away. He wanted to feel the older close to him. He liked how Hakyeon clung to him, desperate to be held as his cries settled into whimpers and then sniffles.

With almost no gap separating them together, Taekwoon wasn't sure why his heart was beating so fast, uncomfortable yet welcomed. He closed his eyes and savored the intimate way Hakyeon embraced him. With eyes closed and his breathing uneven, Taekwoon saw glimpses of the past. His brain racked for information, tracking and tracing back.

_Life long friend. Hakyeon clinging unto him every chance he gets. Pinkeu pinkue. Blood petals. Hanahaki. Jaehwan and Hakyeon together._

It scared Taekwoon how much he had forgotten. And then he saw it, _Lacuna. Wonshik. Operation._

He wanted to forget. Hot wet tears fell on Taekwoon's face, staining the beautiful face. He remembered. Silently, he cried, while holding and calming Hakyeon from his break down.

He was in love with the man clinging desperately unto him. He was secretly harboring an unrequited love for so long. Taekwoon realized how pathetic he was for even trying to resist. Hakyeon has and will always be his sole weakness. A mere touch sent him spiraling down like a bright flower falling into it's impending reunion with the earth, swallowing it's beauty with a rather cruel end.

**.....**

Taekwoon, for a lack of a better term, was confused. He remembered everything. The pieces of his memories that he had erased were back and were wrecking havoc harder than it did before. The petals were gone. It was replaced by fully bloomed flowers, straining his vocal chords.

Funny how he thought having his memories erased would cure him of this terrible disease. Ironic how instead of saving him, it sent him spiraling down into his own demise. With the flowers fully bloomed and the vomiting as frequent as it is, his vocal cords were in jeopardy. Sooner rather than later, he won't be able to sing. _Not anymore,_ he thought.

It saddened him that his passion would be taken away from him but his decision remains unchanged. He won't and will never have his feelings removed. Not in a million years.

Trapped in his own little world, Taekwoon reverted into his past self, inevitably so. His silence reigned supreme as he kept his worsening condition a secret to the world outside his own. 


	6. Life Long Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reversal of what seems to be a bitter end.

It wasn't long before the management have caught on to the situation. Taekwoon's health was slowly going downhill. His throat condition is at it's worst. So when his voice slipped during a prerecorded broadcast, the management had decided to get to the root of it. Taekwoon couldn't lie, not anymore. He wasn't just compromising his own future but the other members as well. All because of his selfish decision.

So when the management said that they'd have to let him go, all he could do was nod. Taekwoon understood the decision, it was rational. He'd leave the company but for now, he focused on producing. Each song he made was a mere excuse to remain beside Hakyeon side. Anything to secure an even brighter future for Hakyeon and the other members, he'd say but he knew the truth. He wanted Hakyeon to sing his songs, even for the last time.

In time, the promotions we're done, everyone celebrated another successful run. The management along with the staff who worked day in and day out with them gathered. In the midst of toasts and celebratory messages, Taekwoon stood in the middle of the room, his eyes intent on Hakyeon.

“I'm leaving,” he started off, “I'm taking this chance to thank everyone who helped me so far. I'm grateful for all your help but this is the end for me.” He smiled sadly.

“What do you mean hyung?” Wonshik asked.

“My contract has been terminated, a few weeks ago.” He explained.

The look of shock spread from each member. “Why?” Hakyeon simply asked, his face stoic.

“My vocal chords are retiring, I guess. It can't handle the strain anymore.” He said, looking at the older sadly.

“Is it because of the Hanahaki, then?” Hakyeon spatted.

“Yes, it's one of the reasons.”

“For God's sake, get an operation. You can't leave just like that!” Hakyeon shouted at the boy.

“I am, as soon as I packed up. I'm heading to the hospital.” Taekwoon replied calmly before taking his seat beside Wonshik.

“Hyung.” the younger whispered in worry.

“I'm fine. I have decided. The operation won't help with the state of my vocal chords but I'll live.” He patted Wonshik's thigh.

For the rest of the night, Hakyeon glared at Taekwoon. He wanted to slap the smug look off of his face. He was selfish to decide on his own, they were a team but apparently it didn't matter at all.

… **..**

It hasn't been a week since Taekwoon made the announcement, three short days to be exact. Three days and he's already leaving. Hakyeon kept mum but when the door closed behind Taekwoon, he couldn't help but to look back, hoping that Taekwoon was still there but he wasn't.

The night fell, along with the uncomfortable silence that enveloped their dorm. Taekwoon's absence felt heavy on everyone.

“Hyung,” Wonshik walked inside Hakyeon's dark room, the older male was slumped in his bed, covered in a thick blanket, sniffling. “Hyung,” Wonshik called again. “I need to talk to you.”

“What is it?” Hakyeon asked, moving his arm to cover his eyes, not wanting to let Wonshik see how puffy his eyes got after crying all night long.

“Hyung, Taekwoon hyung...” Wonshik trailed, voice all chocked up.

“Wonshik, please. I'm tired. I can't deal with this. He left, we're not going to disband, we're going to be fine.” Hakyeon said, his voice wavering, about to break as well.

Wonshik broke down even before he could speak, “He loves you, hyung.”

Hakyeon turned to look at the younger, “What?”

“He loves you. He asked me to keep this from you but I think you should know. He said it's not worth it since you're with Jaehwan hyung but...” Wonshik murmured in between sobs. “He loves you hyung.”

Before he could even think, Hakyeon was out of his bed and was struggling to put his pants on. He rummaged through the closet and pulled the first coat his hand reached, “What hospital is he in?” He asked Wonshik, sniffling.

“The one in Nambusunhwan-ro, H Plus Yangji, probably.” Wonshik mumbled, his voice almost a whisper as he tried to catch his breath. “He asked me about it, where I had my operation a few years back. I think he's going there.”

“You should have told me earlier, Wonshik! Taekwoon suffered and you didn't even bother to tell us, to tell me. I was supposed to protect all of you. I was supposed to protect him! I promised him I'll be there for him.” Hakyeon cried before running out and following Taekwoon.

 _Taekwoon, please._ Hakyeon whispered to the universe, hoping it would reach Taekwoon. _Wait for me, please._ Hakyeon was a mess now, his hands were numb from the cold. People threw him weird stares, watching as he paced and fisted him hair. “Taxi! Please!” He cried.

Hakyeon wasn't sure if the universe heard his scream, or if it took pity on him because a taxi finally stopped in front of him. He didn't hesitate, hopping inside, he tried to gave the location as clear as he could, despite the sobs that keeps on messing it all up. “H Plus Yangji Hospital, please hurry,” he managed to say.

When the taxi stopped right in front of the hospital, Hakyeon ran as fast as he could, as fast as his legs allowed him to, with his lungs about to explode with the strain, his tears and the sounds that escaped from his lips were desperate pleas for Taekwoon to stop.

Hakyeon knew that this time, he made a mistake, waiting and keeping his mouth shut was a mistake. He had put the person he loves so much under so much pain. He was stupid and he knew that now. Hakyeon was running out of time, Taekwoon is near yet so far. He had him, he just never knew that he did and now it's too late as Taekwoon had already given up on him.

When he reached the nurse station, Hakyeon was out of breath, “Jung Taekwoon. Please, what's his room number.”

“What's your relationship with the patient?” The nurse asked as he typed Taekwoon's name on the database.

“I'm his brother, please.” Hakyeon lied through his lips, he wanted to smack the counter of the nurse station for even asking but he held himself together. “Please,” Hakyeon cried.

The nurse just simply nodded, panicking a little, his eyes widened. “He's about to go into the operation room now.” He informed Hakyeon who looked lost and torn.

“You have to stop it. Please. Tell them that our mother is coming. Tell them that she wants Taekwoon to wait. Please, please...” Hakyeon managed to plead in between cries.

“I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything.” The nurse replied, quite worried at the sight of Hakyeon having a melt down in front of him.

“I'll send someone to bring you to him.” The nurse finally said.

Hakyeon let out a sigh of relief when a nurse appeared around the corner, breathless from the running. Hakyeon followed, walking beside her briskly, his breaths uneven and his hands trembling.

Hakyeon's thoughts and prayers were mangled into a mess inside his brain but everything was already a big mess so it doesn't matter, not anymore. He knew that his entirety, his thoughts, his body, and even the situation that they were in was a mess but it didn't matter because Taekwoon needs him or maybe it's the other way around.

Without even thinking twice he opened the door brusquely.

“Taekwoon.” He cried, his feet giving out in relief as he saw the pale Taekwoon sitting on his bed, his hair disheveled, his lips were dry, but his eyes wet.

“What are you doing here?” He breathed out, clearly having a hard time speaking. He was answered by Hakyeon's soft sobs as the tan male buried his face in his palms.

“Taekwoon,” Hakyeon managed to let out. “I love you, okay?” he finally confessed, his head down, his body limp after all the adrenaline rushed out of his body. “Please don't do this.” Hakyeon said. “I love you.”

“I need you to love me more than just a life long friend Hakyeon, don't do this. Please.” Taekwoon said, his voice strained but anger was evident in his tone.

“And I do.” Hakyeon replied, finally looking up at Taekwoon, revealing how he look. “I love you more than just a friend, although it's good to grow old as life long friends, I love you more than that.” Hakyeon said.

“Taekwoon, Jaehwan and I...” Hakyeon trailed off. “It was nothing. I swear, Jaehwan knew about my feelings for you. I wanted to keep you as a friend forever and acting on my feelings would ruin that for us.”

“Hyung, please. Don't” Taekwoon pleaded, his face was painted with confusion, his mind was whirling into a spiral of consequences and possibilities.

“Taekwoon, I love you.” Hakyeon said firmly amidst tears. “I love you more than anything in this world, so please, please. Believe me.”

_Hakyeon loved him. Loves him._

Taekwoon watched as Hakyeon slowly approached him, he shook his head as if saying don't. Taekwoon was desperate, his heart was frail and about to give out with every step Hakyeon took towards him. His mind had finally took in the mess that he created. He saw how Hakyeon's steps trembled as Taekwoon started to cry, letting the tears flow.

Hakyeon reached out for Taekwoon, the younger male remained unmoved as Hakyeon enveloped him in an embrace. A ragged breath released from Hakyeon's lips as he felt Taekwoon's warmth. “Thank God you're still here.” He breathed out as his fingers found Taekwoon's hair.

Hakyeon unknowingly hugged Taekwoon a little too tight causing the pale boy to wince in pain, Hakyeon untangled himself from him, he searched Taekwoon's eyes for anything, just anything as the younger remained silent. “Taekwoon,” Hakyeon whispered, his hands cupping Taekwoon's face.

“I'm sorry hyung.” Taekwoon finally spoke. He pushed Hakyeon away and lifted his shirt up just a little bit and what Hakyeon saw broke him. Stitches marred the used to be perfect skin of Taekwoon, fresh and a little too much for Hakyeon.

The tan male was unsure of what to do next, he was already too late. He wracked his brain for a solution, to reverse everything, a way to go back in time and stop Taekwoon but before he found an answer his knees gave out.

Fresh set of tears and sobs were back but this time louder, stronger, as if it was his last chance to cry. He wanted to stop and walk away, but his body was not his own, it refused to move at Hakyeon's bidding.

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon unravel before him. He reached for Hakyeon, pulling him towards his embrace as he stroked his back comfortingly. Words were replaced by Taekwoon's silent sobs as his tears flowed from his eyes. All he can do was offer Hakyeon some comfort because he can't give him what he came here for, he already had it removed.

Did he regret it? No because at the end of the day, Hakyeon will still be his, because he's his life long friend. Is he in pain? Physically and emotionally he is, the surgery took it's toll on Taekwoon but seeing Hakyeon like this hurts more. Taekwoon wanted to take Hakyeon's pain away, take it as his own, because despite the emptiness in his heart, he was still Hakyeon's friend. He was and always will be Hakyeon's life long friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, the end is here. Would love to hear criticisms and comments from y'all. :) I also hope you enjoyed despite the crappy writing and shitty plot. :)


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